Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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