yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
