I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Found the puke drawer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
