fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
