Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
