I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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