what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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