I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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