That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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