we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
