Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
