from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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