Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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