We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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