just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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