Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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