New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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