Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
