So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
