I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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