winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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