Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
