jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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