I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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