I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
