I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
