My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
