i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
