I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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