two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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