all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
