My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
