god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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