I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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