Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm always down for nudity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
