i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
