Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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