If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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