This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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