I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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