brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize