I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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