dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
