I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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