Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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