Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.