Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
