she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
