Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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