My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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