I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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