from now on my penis is your penis
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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