You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
