if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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