i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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