Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
