if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
