i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
