I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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