He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
