you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
