Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
